booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
