When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
