think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
