Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
