I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I cut my penus on the lid.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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