I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
