i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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