so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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