I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
