Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
