I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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