Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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