Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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