you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We had to coat check the pizza.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
