I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
