Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
