I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
