I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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