we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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