Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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