Banned from zoo.
Again?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
