are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
