I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
