this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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