New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
