like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
