dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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