I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
