8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
