we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
