My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
