turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
