You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
