How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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