I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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