Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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