I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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