ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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