Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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