I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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