i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
