I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
