"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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