dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
