If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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