I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
