so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
