I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
