Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
