the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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