Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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