If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
