then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
