My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
