I wish I could teleport
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
