I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
