respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
